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grief

six months in September 

hair like hers
wispy and blonde
I see a girl with her mother
alive
I used to have a girl like that
but now she is vanished

I want to borrow her from God
for a day or an hour
please lay her on my chest
warm and alive
let her heave one more breath
but no, she is vanished

my sorrow grows
I want my Abby back
to kiss her and love her
give her back to me
why did you take her?
these outrageous mixed emotions
they suffocate me

she’s decomposed and vanished
I’m tormented
overwhelmed by her absence
yesterday’s tears multiply
I’ve surrendered to my weeping
finally
and I’m exhausted
but this anguish mingles with joy

I’m glad that she’s alive
alive alive alive
God is holding her
He’s holding me
separate we are now
but we will be reunited

I will touch her soul
and kiss her
oh joy
she’ll know me
sorrow will vanish
anguish and weeping
vanished
joy will come
joy will come

Guinever Van Campen
September 2005 

Comments»

1. Angie - December 1, 2006

I still have this saved on my computer from when you emailed it last September…
I read it every once in a while and remember and cry….

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2. Karla - December 2, 2006

This is the first time I’ve seen this site, Guinever. I was so struck by your poem and cried.

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3. healingthroughlove - December 5, 2006

I was touched by your poem and I understand the grief. Thank you for sharing it.

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4. Louise~Co founder of MCLG - May 23, 2008

I am so sorry for your loss. You daughter is so beautiful.I know your pain.I too lost my beautiful Child.Come join us at
http://www.mychildlossgrief.org/
and then join our loss forum.
We are sister’s and brothers in grief.
Peace and light
Louise

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5. Debi Joy - August 29, 2008

I lost my Mom 13 months ago and am missing her more than usual today. Your poem is so beautiful and a wonderful tribute to your daughter. I too, look forward to my “reunion day” with my Mom in heaven. It’s what keeps me going. I know you know…

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6. chinaa - September 9, 2011

i lost my first born almost three years ago 12,19,08
i am only 16 so dealing with the death of my son took a toll on me , being only 13 when i had him my life took a complete change! i never knew you could love such a little soul so much that when there gone you damn near go completly insane as i said before hes been gone 3 years and to this day i fail to give him a tombstone because to me a tombstone represents forever & although its been a little min i still cant seem to work up the courage to place a tombstone where his body lays!!

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ballet you say - February 25, 2012

I’m so sorry that you’ve lost your firstborn. I pray that you can come to a point where you can get that grave marker and that it will be healing for you.

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