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what started it all

This was the longest, saddest walk of my life. We followed the funeral director back to the limo after the graveside service for my daughter who died at age 2. Only days earlier, we were a family of six, now we were five.

after-graveside-service.jpg

Below is my favorite picture from the graveside service:

the pallbearers

the-pallbearers.jpg

Read the memoir I wrote that was read at Abby’s funeral.

You can search this blog and you won’t find the details of my daughter’s death. (snippets here and there, maybe) but I don’t want this blog to be about how she died. I want it to simply be that she died.

So if you’re reading this and you’ve lost a child, I’m so sorry. I’ve lost a child too.

Parents lose children young or old through illness, miscarriage, stillborn, murder, drowning, 9- 11, accident, heart attack…I could go on and on. When people read this blog, I just want it to be about loss and healing and living and not about the how.

I’m living through this thing called grief. As the days have turned to weeks, to months, and now years, I can honestly say that life has gotten easier. Mostly. The grieving isn’t easier, the depth of emotion, the intensity of certain moments remain the same. But what changes and gets better is how often those moments of grief overtake me. Not as often anymore. And maybe that’s why I go weeks or even months with no updates on this website.

So welcome to my story. God has certainly granted me peace and grace. I feel His presence daily and try to let Him carry me through this loss.

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Comments»

1. alkalinediet - March 15, 2007

My heart goes out to you and your family. Only God can help us to get through our grief because the bible says that Jesus was aquainted with grief and he was a man of sorrow and he bears all our weaknesses and sorrow. Be encouraged and continue to help others as I am. I lost my two year old son 21 years ago and have found comfort in God.

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2. Charlotte Martin - November 25, 2007

My only child died 2/21/97. It was a long time before I was able to get out of bed. When I did and began to try to re-enter society, I realized that for the first time in my life that I needed help. I didn’t know what I needed. I read my Bible through over seven times and felt that I had a good grasp of what would happen. I believed that God would help me get through my grief, and I believed that he would do it through christians (the body of Christ). However, christians didn’t seem to know what to do except to tell me that God was the only one who could help me. I spent the next several years reading other books about how people dealt with grief in the days of President Lincoln. I read about the first significant study, The Harvard Bereavement Study that was conducted in 1964. I read grief books that were written in 1984. In 1997 it seemed as though grief experts were learning more about grief, but the general public remained ignorant. I believe in 2007 the general public is just beginning to learn about how to help a person who is grieving. But, those who are trying to educate the non-bereaved to help the bereaved seem to be far too few. In 2007 I was sponsored as a Red Cross Hero for the work that I’ve done trying to create awareness that the bereaved often need help. Looking back, most of the help that I needed should have come from the ordinary people in my life like my family, friends, co-workers and church family. But they didn’t know what to say, much less how to help, so they abandoned me to grieve alone. I now have a website http://www.helpthebereaved.com and have started The Compassion of Jesus Christ Ministries in which I first produced a video. I now show that video to church congregations and I ask others to show it to their churches or Sunday School classes. The video is not filled with a lot of complicated lessons that people will soon forget, but we tried to make an impact as to the simplest ways that anyone can help a bereaved parent or anyone who is grieving.

I have only had internet service for about a year since I’ve had my website, so I am still not familiar with many things – – for instance, I have no idea what the difference in a blog and a website is. I’ve read that this is a “blog”. Do you also have a website? I’ve read about you educating others in helping the bereaved. I would love to hear from you. My e-mail is bereaved@peoplepc.com and there is also a contact button on my website.

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3. Sarabeth - January 1, 2009

I am amazed at how there is such a connection.
I lost my 2nd daughter at 6 and 1/2 months old out of utero.
Thanks for sharing and yes it is by the GRACE of GOD that we carry on!

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4. Lesley Wyman - February 12, 2009

Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my little Gretta, my fourth and last child, at 2 yrs. old on September 4, 2008. The grief is still very raw. My friend Katie Gillen linked me to your site. I am a believer and yes, God is what holds us up. Still, as each day goes by I think, “Wow, how have I made it to here.” I have a blog as well about our grief.

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5. my Grandma « at home with Guinever - September 12, 2009

[…] Yes, like Abby. […]

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6. LaDonna - November 20, 2009

Hi. I found you through TOGLooseThreads. I too lost a baby. He was 12 days old.

Thank you for this blog.

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guinever - November 20, 2009

I am so sorry that you lost your son.

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